the reason we have to talk about Earth tonight is this president Trump revealing his decision to the country to the world we’re out he says pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord. I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh not Paris. okay first relax no one for a second thought that you represented Paris because everyone knows Paris is represented by a smoking french bulldog who found the first course to be derivative and jiazhen.
but it is true this week Trump announced he would pull out of the Paris Climate Accord which is hardly surprising as a title it is so off-brand for him it might as well have been called the globalist cuck surrender or a light jog yet yet pulling out of this is a huge deal and to understand why it helps to keep in mind one key number and it’s two degrees Celsius now it’s a bit of a shorthand but the concern is that if we fail to limit temperature rise to that number things get very bad and potentially irreversible scientists say will likely see longer droughts and more intense heat waves which can cause big disruptions to the world’s food supply if we don’t start with rapid emissions reductions and substantial emissions reductions that will pass a danger point beyond which the consequences for many people and countries on earth will simply become unacceptable and eventually disastrous it’s true and we are not talking about a fictional apocalypse like the one in the movie 2012 we’re talking about an actual global disaster like the movie 2012 and the serious danger may actually be more imminent than you think one estimate says that to have a good chance of avoiding the two-degree threshold human emissions of co2 should stay below this level in total this is our so-called carbon budget and by the end of last year we were estimated to already be up to here and if current emission trends continue we would go above that critical line in about 20 years and that is not a long time 20 years ago South Park was on TV Foo Fighters were touring and Paul Rudd looked like this what I’m saying is 20 years ago was basically now so the Paris agreement central aim was to try and keep our global temperature rise below that 2 degree threshold and to do that each signatory would set their own goals with a plan to reconvene every five years to ideally set more ambitious targets and look it was not perfect some critics at the time felt that it did not go far enough that the key achievement was for the very first time getting virtually the entire world including China and India to commit to taking action it was a historic moment and it was celebrated like this through the moments the world agreed to tackle climate change Jacques Lecoq of e Curitiba is accepted and so the Paris agreement was born and emotions spilled over so much so that Lawrence Tobias bang the gavel again on the labelled closure ad so I have been asked to bang the gavel again it’s a little gavel but I think it can do great things ok ok I’ll say this if you are trying to convince people of the gravity of a moment maybe don’t use such a humiliatingly shifting gavel because it just undercuts what you’re trying to say it would not be appropriate for a judge to conclude a death penalty case by saying I hereby sentence you to hang by the neck until dead may God have mercy upon your soul right solemn moment solemn moment for everybody so so so why did Trump announced that he would pull out this week well one clue may have come during his speech on Thursday when he actually talked about that happy celebration that you just saw but seem to see something sinister in it the rest of the world applauded when we signed the Paris agreement they weren’t wild they were so happy for the simple reason that it put our country the United States of America which we all love in a very very big economic disadvantage what are you talking about they were happy because they secured a landmark victory for the future of the planet you fucking egomaniac whoa this race is firing against the United States the only thing the whole world is secretly conspiring to do is convince everyone but there are two Olsen twins there is no way it is just one girl moving very quickly backwards and forwards it’s an obstacle illusion the Olsen twins thing is a massive scam and the whole world is in on it and the only thing I don’t quite know yet is why but we don’t have time to get into it the point is if the agreement was a scheme to hurt American businesses you know who that might be news to many American businesses because they were not just in favor of this Agreement they even made a last-ditch attempt to change Trump’s mind 25 companies including Microsoft and Intel have purchased a full-page ad in today’s New York Times arguing the agreement generates jobs and economic growth well come on he was clearly never going to be convinced by an ad in The New York Times how was he going to see it if those companies willing wanted to get into intention they needed to talk KFC into putting out a full bucket ad which he would read on the toilet while eating chicken because that at its core is who our president is but but it turns out it turned out that rather than listening to those companies the president was getting advice from climate change skeptics like if EPA chief scott pruett and human custody hearing c banner although really transactions were in keeping with a long-held schedules of being as concerning climate change he has called it expensive bullshit and a hoax created by china and he repeatedly brought that idea up on the campaign trail often before losing track of what he was talking about and performing real-time word-association china is it abiding by anything they’re buying all of our coal we can’t use coal anymore essentially they’re buying our con they’re using it now when you talk about the planet it’s so big out there we’re here they’re there it’s like they’re our next-door neighbor right in terms of the universe Miss Universe by the way I’ve made a great deal when I sold oh did I get rid I was a great year huh you know they broke my choppers on that they said he talks about illegal immigration we’re not gonna put him on televisions being sued like crazy you wouldn’t believe and NBC I made a great deal with them just like an amazing deal why can’t you finish your thought why can’t you finish I thought that was 36 seconds touching on at least seven different topics including the non phrase broke my choppers and yet he did not conclude a single thought there ain’t goldfish with me about squeazy go hey focus get back to China we were talking about China what is wrong with this gold turn I’m drowning and look when you combine Trump’s lack of attention to detail with his deep-rooted paranoia you get the wildly misleading reasons that he cited on Thursday for pulling out of Paris for instance he seemed to think the agreement committed America to shutting down coal-fired power plants China will be allowed to build hundreds of additional coal plants so we can’t build the plant but they can according to this agreement India will be allowed to double its coal production by 2020 think of it India can double their coal production we’re supposed to get rid of errors okay for the record the agreement doesn’t actually ban America from building coal cars it doesn’t even contain the word coal each each country sets its own goals that they can meet however it wants so that is what that’s just wrong as if the fact that Trump said in this speech America would continue to be the cleanest and most environmentally friendly country on Earth which is objectively untrue because over history the US has emitted by far more carbon than any other country and we still emits more per person than almost any other nation so that’s like Mark Wahlberg saying he’s going to continue to be the best dentist on the planet how how are you going to do that that’s not what you are Mark maybe you could decide to do that one day but you’re definitely not doing it now then there is Tom’s concern over the Green Climate Fund which finances projects in developing nations helping them adapt to the impact of climate change and reduce their emissions what now as Trump describes that fund the Green Fund would likely obligate the United States to commit potentially tens of billions of dollars of which the United States has already handed over 1 billion dollars nobody else is even close ok ok now to his credit that is actually an impressive amount of misleading bullshit in very few words in fact here is everything that he just said let’s break those words down first the green fund is not called the green fund it’s called the Green Climate Fund I know but still friends would likely obligate the United States to commit money there is no enforcement mechanism in the Paris agreement the US could just easily refuse to pay the bill something Donald Trump has a lifetime of practicing absolute potentially pain of billions of dollars no we committed three billion dollars you can’t just inflate three to potentially tens I can’t say that you have had potentially tens of failed marriages I can only say you’ve had three because you have you have had three failed marriages and yes I’m very much including your current one and finally finally nobody else is even close to paying more that is just willfully misleading well we have given the most so far in sheer dollars we are one of the richest countries and one of the top emitters and when you rank contributions as a fraction of GDP we are thirty-second so Trump’s description of the agreement is so flamboyantly deceptive it would have been equally accurate thing to say compliance with the Paris agreement would likely require all Ducks to wear jean shorts and it would potentially cost each and every American citizen five fish and a dump truck full of hamsters that would be as true as what he just said and even even when he tried to strike a reassuring tone he got it wrong so we’re getting out but we will start to negotiate and we will see if we can make a deal that’s fair and if we can that’s great and if we can’t that’s fine except no it is not fine is it because the leaders of Germany France and Italy said in a statement we firmly believe that the Paris agreement cannot be renegotiated and I would not test Europe’s leaders when it comes to pulling out of a major international agreement Britain is trying that bullshit right now with brexit and maybe you can send your demands to the same email address that you are upset up for that it’s lick dot our nuts go fuck yourselves start a you soap from align drop them align tell answer but but I have saved France most ludicrous misunderstanding of the agreement for last because for a man who cites the agreement strict onerous and draconian terms what he does not seem to comprehend is each nation sets its own goals remember and more importantly the whole thing is fucking voluntary the agreement as a whole is not legally binding and doesn’t penalize nations who fail to meet their commitments but it does include a process designed to shame them into compliance it’s true the only penalty was shame and unfortunately this president is completely immune to the very concept of that if they even tries to shame him into compliance he could just hold up this photo of him in a too short bathrobe and what appears to be a child’s bed and say I posed for that you cannot hurt me any more than I’ve already hurt myself and at this point you may be thinking well hold on if it’s all voluntary then what is the harm in leaving well the truth is its substantial and let’s start with just the harm to America’s standing in the world alone because Trump’s decision to leave this Agreement has pissed off almost everyone this morning German Chancellor Angela Merkel called it extremely regrettable Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau called it disheartening and the Vatican went further saying mr. Trump’s decision was a disaster for everyone Wow think about that we are getting shit talks by the Vatican and not by the Nazi Punk the cool one that’s worse that is like getting into a Twitter fight with the Dalai Lama he he doesn’t snap up him but when he snaps his cap card and not that reputational harm can have real costs for businesses abroad one environmental negotiator who worked in the George W Bush administration described this decision as the worst thing for brand America since Abu Ghraib and that is rough because a bad Association can stick with a brand for a long time just ask sexual assault pudding cups double murder car rentals or mr. touchies fresh and tasty pedo sandwiches and then then there is a harm to American workers the very people Trump is claiming to protect because most of the world now realizes that in order to reduce emissions we need to shift to renewable forms of energy and the more a government encourages that the faster it happens the quicker costs come down and the more likely that that country is to be at the forefront of a whole new industry creating countless jobs in the process and you know who knows that China or some would say China Trump just handed a huge advantage to them they’ve not only cancelled plans to build more than 100 coal-fired power plants they’re also dramatically increasing investment elsewhere china plans to spend more than three hundred sixty billion dollars on renewable energy by 2020 which it says will create at least 13 million new jobs so you know what in a way Trump is fulfilling his campaign promise he is creating millions of new jobs he’s just doing it for the wrong fucking country and if you want proof that the jobs of today and tomorrow are in renewable energy Francis knew prescient in manual macron actually issued a call this week to America’s workforce to all scientists and Chinese entrepreneurs responsible citizens were were disappointed by the decision of the President of the United States I want to see that they was fined in France the surgham homeland Eichorn them come and work here with us I guess what he’s saying there is be our guest be our guest what else sell this to the test iron Africa danke you know what we don’t have time for this filled without I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry Olivia I’m sorry mrs. Potts I’m sorry Cogsworth you got to go you got to go click Rococo get the fuck out of here you little fuckers get out get out the real concern the real concern the real real concern here is that America’s absence from the Paris agreement could make other countries less inclined to meet their commitments and remember that could quickly become catastrophic and that brings us to our final point given that we cannot afford just to wait for years to vote Trump out of office what can be done now well for starters companies need to continue to step up and to their credit some like Walmart and Bank of America have set deadlines to power themselves completely with renewable energy and nearly half of the fortune 500 companies including Philip Morris International have pledged to reduce their carbon footprint in the coming years that is right this is a story where Walmart Bank of America and Philip Morris end up being the good guys which just feels inherently surprising it’s like I just said great news everyone Ebola Isis and that dentist who shot Cecil the lion are gonna save the planet for us thanks I give the bet you are the deck and look look it is not just company stepping up in the wake of Trump’s decision multiple governors have announced their intention to hold themselves to the Paris agreement goals as have many met including notably the mayor of Pittsburgh you know the city that Trump cited as the reason he was pulling out of the agreement then there Bill Peduto was pretty clear about what he thinks about Trump’s decision Pittsburgh is the poster child of showing why the Paris agreement is good economics for the United States in what we did today sets us back decades Wow that is pleasantly surprising on so many levels not the least of which is I had always just assumed that Pittsburgh there was a Heinz ketchup drank Lombardi trophies so we’re all learning a lot of things tonight but what this means is that the onus is now on politicians at the state and local level to do what Donald Trump cannot be bothered to and unfortunately that means that you now need to find out where your mayor your governor and even your state reps stand on climate change and first you’ll have to find out who they are but then then you will need to find out their positions and look you’ll get lucky maybe yours is great or maybe you live in Pennsylvania and you’re represented by state senator Scott Wagner who has an interesting theory for what might be causing global warming the earth moves closer to the Sun every year we have more people you know humans have warm body so is keep coming off we’re just going through a lot of change but I think we are as a society doing the best we can I don’t even know where to begin Ben I mean yes the earth does move closer to the Sun every year but then it moves further away from the Sun because that is what a fucking year is our body heat is not warming the planet and we are clearly not doing the best we can because we keep putting idiots like Scott Wagner in positions of power and he is not alone in North Carolina they’re considering a bill that would freeze progress that that state has made towards renewable energy and one of the people who would have a vote on that is state Rep Larry Pittman so what is Larry’s nuance take on climate our planet runs on a cycle it goes up and it goes down and the Lord designed it that way the main thing that causes global warming is the Earth’s relationship to a big ball of gas that’s burning at there that we call the Sun and it is the height of hubris for human beings to think that we can have any effect on them no Larry no the hunters hubris is not opposing climate change against God’s will the height of hubris is according to Wikipedia six-foot-two and he just pulled us out of the Paris Climate Accord so colossal that resemble those guys in anyway you are going you can a need to work to get them out of office as soon as you can and all of this is going to take work attention and energy and I know that’s not easy but Trump may have inadvertently done us a tiny favor this week because the problem with climate change is that it’s always felt so abstract impersonal and far off into the future and the usual symbols that we use don’t don’t do much to fix or help that it’s either a graph that’s difficult to understand or a sad polar bear on a small piece of ice and it’s hard to get emotionally fired up over that I don’t leave know that there he he could be a dick but but finally finally this week the climate change movement may have gotten a symbol to rally around because apparently it was never quite enough for us to motivate ourselves out of love for this large gassy orb but maybe just maybe we can now motivate ourselves to do something out of our loathing of this one
Paris climate accord